I’ve known I have Lyme Disease for about 15 years. It’s nothing new for me, yet it never fails to amaze me that every time I hear of something new about it I am suddenly reminded I have it and renewed in my fight against it. Wait.. what? Forget I have it? Yeah.. there are times that my Lyme settles back down and I can live without thinking about it. In fact those are the best days. When you can sit out in the sun, feel the warmth just heat you up and all of your muscles just relax and you feel your whole body just seem to say… “ahh.. yeah..”
Lyme Disease won’t go away. No matter how I try to focus on everything else in the world, it’s always going to be the pain in my..fingers, toes, neck, stomach, head, I could go on. My Lyme complication is Fibromyalgia which on its own is pretty nasty. It brings about pain, memory loss, weight gain, swelling in joints, ect. But add that to a disease like Lyme that mimics that and adds on a few other lovely side effects, you never know if you are dying or just feeling the disease. But sometimes I like to use my memory issues to forget about them both just for a while. I don’t focus on the fact that I have them.. I focus on enjoying my life. Even though there are times when I look down at my aching toe after rock climbing with my family and wonder why it hurts so much. I wiggle it around and wonder if it’s because of the injury I took to it a few years ago ( again rock climbing ) or why it hurts. Then I laugh to myself as I am sitting there wondering if I should get an X-ray and feel pretty dumb because it’s just a swelling issue and pain from the Lyme. I had forgotten..again.
Recently I’ve started blogging. I thought I was blogging because my home life is changing and I needed someplace to vent. I wandered through topics. I considered the fact that my oldest children are moving off to college and new states as adults. I wandered through my crafting as a side income. And I lingered on mid-life crisis… still lingering longer here… yeah.. still here.. la la laa.. But what I realized after clearing through those thoughts was this. There are people out there who feel so alone in their diagnoses. They don’t know how to feel, where to go, or if it will get better. In truth, I feel that way too. However, I have had enough time and learned a lot about Lyme, that I have moved through those stages.
I am not saying I am an expert. In fact I am far from it. But I do read a lot, and I have been through a lot in my treatment of the disease. I still get depressed often ( that’s common ) and feel some self-pity grab hold of me and shake the hell out of me. But, I have a great husband and a supportive family, and when I need to sit and cry it out. I know there’s always someone to hand me chocolate and listen to the crazy rantings. So maybe this is what Dancing with Fireflies needs to be.. a place to explore and let others know that living with Lyme isn’t a terrible life.. it’s living.