When I was a little girl my family moved A LOT. I didn’t like it, not ever. But as a child, most of us are not given much of a choice when it comes to the affairs of our parents and so each year we moved, not just houses but states and schools, and nothing stayed the same.
My family was different, I was adopted by my Great-Grandmother because my birth Mother was mentally-ill and drug addicted. My “Gram” was the best mother I could ever dream of, but she was a single mother at 66 after my Pop died suddenly. After he passed she and I were tossed around, my birth mother coming in and out of our lives and bringing chaos and strangers with her. My birth mother was violent and so were the men she cast upon my elderly grandmother and I. I look back now as an adult and grimace at the child and elder abuse that my Gram and I were forced to endure.
Even though I was tiny, I didn’t speak, and I was always terribly shy, I was a child of light. Like all small children, there was a fire inside me that didn’t want to be put out.
At 6 years old, I was growing tired of the constant moving and never knowing stability, I just wanted to stay someplace and set down roots. I was tired of leaving my friends, scared about meeting new ones, and at a place where children still believe in angels and faeries. (I still do)
We were in Texas one summer to visit family when I experienced my first Firefly moment. Alone outside, I sat in the growing darkness and looked out over the flatlands and up at the clear skies. No one seemed to notice I was gone, and that freedom to wander gave me strength. The sky seemed endless and I felt so small and but never powerless.
“If you are really out there, listening to me. If I am a part of something special. Then show me.” As children are stubborn and need signs.
I didn’t understand what I was seeing, to me it was magic. As I felt my dreamy world open up to the possibilities of being part of a greater collective, the stars I thought I was looking at began to dance. Moving in a sweet perfect moment of swirls and sparkling harmony, the stars became dancers across the navy dance floor.
This was my first firefly moment, opening up to the idea of being a part of something bigger than yourself, dancing for the joy of movement, and joining the collective vastness of lights in the dark sky. Magic!
Firefly moments are those rare places in time when you know you are seeing things differently. When you suddenly seem to understand and become something more than you were before, you know you have had a Moment.
Sometimes when you live with a chronic illness, you feel like that disease wants to steal the light from your life. Many of us often feel so alone in the world and it is hard to shine when you don’t feel like anyone understands you.
For many years I lived with the anxiety and depression of Lyme Disease. Suicide is the #1 killer of people who have Lyme disease and I was quickly heading into that great darkness.
When I learned how to take control of my disease and master my fear, I realized that by talking about what I was going through, sharing my Lyme story, I was becoming a spark in the darkness. Like fireflies, I searched for others like myself and found that not only was I attracted to those surviving Lyme, but I also found that all around the world people were drawing closer to me for the stories I could share. Together we could light up the night and be dancing fireflies.