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When the attacks start you try to tell yourself lies, something to make it feel better. ” They are only words, I know it's not true.” But you hate yourself for taking it, wish you could say something that would make the words stop.  There's nothing you can say, everything you try just makes it worse. If you fight back, it just gets uglier. Sadly, you can't walk away because the rage will follow behind you and mock you for trying to get away. You can't scream back, things will escalate and it will get violent.

You should be used to it, right? I mean it's always been like this. Tomorrow it will be different and everything can go back to nice if you can just behave now. He/She loves me and I am all he/she has.

” I hate the way I look.  I am such a fat ass. ” Now we start telling ourselves these lies, these stones of hate that were thrown at us by careless mouths. ” Nobody will ever want me, I am lazy and stupid.” That was the goal all along, and now we feed the hurt and pain by starting to agree with it.

Maybe I was an “ungrateful heartless bitch” but you know what? I am not EVER EVER going to be abused again.

Lie all you want and say it didn't happen. It did.  Everyone knows.  Someone told me recently that I had a secret that everyone knew, and they were all here for me. I felt sick, afraid that everyone saw right through my veil. I wanted to run or to lie.  Instead, I smiled my “It's okay” smile and made a joke. Jokes are funny, not like my secret.

Sticks and Stones hurt my bones, but your words won't hurt me anymore, I'm numb from all of the scars. I am all grown up and I still cry like a little baby. Sometimes I just want it all to end. That scares me more than the nightmares and PTSD.

Abuse Facts:

  • Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy. 5
  • Abused teens are less likely to practice safe sex, putting them at greater risk for STDs. 5
  • 14% of all men in prison in the USA were abused as children. 7
  • 36% of all women in prison were abused as children. 7
  • Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit a violent crime. 5
  • Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.
  • About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse. 5
  • About 80% of 21-year-olds that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder. 5
  • The estimated annual cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2008 is $124 billion. 6

LINKS

  • Recovery Village – an organization dedicated to helping those struggling with substance abuse and co-occurring disorders. Domestic violence and substance abuse are often intimately linked and occur simultaneously. In fact, According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, substance abuse is involved in approximately half of all intimate partner violence.
  •  The Gift From Within – This group is dedicated to helping people who have been wounded by others and who are seeking recovery, especially from post-traumatic stress. At least 20,000,000 Americans have experienced some form of PTSD. Gift From Within was founded to help provide this support.
  • AARDVARC is An Abuse, Rape    & Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection. This site is for victims of violence, their families and friends and the agencies and programs which serve them, both public and private. Issues addressed here currently include: domestic violence, stalking, and sexual assault.
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline
    http://www.ndvh.org/
  • The Family Violence Prevention Fund
    http://www.fvpf.org/
  • W. V. Coalition Against Domestic Violence
    http://www.wvcadv.org/
  • The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
    http://www.ncadv.org/

 

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