In our last post, we talked about ways to live a happier life, one of those things we suggested was to look at the relationships in your life and nurture them. But what about the ones that make you UN-happy? Now we want to share 5 types of people that you need to get rid of on your mission to joy.
We love Marie Kondo. She's freaking everywhere and I personally LOVE her book. It's great and it really made me think a lot about the things we have in our lives that we keep around for sentamental reasons, but not for good feels. These are the things that haunt us with bad memories.
I have a few things that I had a hard time getting rid of during my “Great Purge” which I did as I was packing up to move from Seattle to Baltimore last fall. As I boxed up things, I applied the KonMari method of trying to get rid of anything that didn't bring me joy.
That was hard and honestly, after a while I gave up and just started putting stuff in the boxes because we were moving and my hubby was probably tired of my tears and mysteriously finding joy in stupid things.
But one thing I really strugged with was this clock, it had stopped working years ago and I had held onto it for one reason. My birth mother gave it to me a couple of years before she died. And out of some weird emotional tie, I kept this clock that really didn't go with anything and made me upset every time I looked at it.
Then I remembered that we should be keeping what we want to keep in our lives, not what we want to get rid of. We only have so much space in our homes and only so much time in our day.
We all have people in our lives that are just like that stupid clock. They are people that we have kept in our lives, even though they do not bring us joy, but people who might be family, might be there from a different lifetime ago, or friendships that are past their expiration date.
This year, let's promise that we are going to seek out people who are good for us and nurture those relationships. And we are going to purge those that are toxic and it's time to let them go.
There is a big difference between being the voice of reason, and being The Critic. Our friends want the best for us. They want us to be happy and you should be able to trust when they come to you with a concern. However, The Critic is always telling you what you are doing wrong, from your hair to your life choices. These types of friends get power from pointing out how bad your life is. If you have someone who makes you feel like everything in your life is awful, there is no joy in spending time with them and likely they might feel the same way. It's time for them to go find someone else to make-over.
Does this spark joy? NO? Then it's time to move on.
When you think of the people you know, who has the most drama? Do they create the drama or just like to talk about everyone else's life? Sure, sometimes it's fun to sit and trash the Kardashians and laugh about the crazy neighbor lady, but if that's all you have with this friend, perhaps it's time to move on. Maybe you are the one trying to pull this person out of the fire at risk of your own health and happiness.
These types of interactions bring negativity into your life. It's time to toss that friend into the “Trash” pile and move on.
These are the people who seem to run on their own time. It's so frustrating when you plan a coffee date, and sit alone waiting for your friend who is always late. You might as well have planned coffee for one and brought along that book you wanted to read. Because “My Timers” don't care that they are wasting your time by always showing up late or leaving early because “something” always comes up. This is a selfish friend. And yes, if this is you who is always late, be honest with yourself about why you do it and how it makes your friends feel.
Cherish the moments you have with the people who make an effort to BE there and respect your time. Let go of the rest with gratitude for the time you shared and the time you are getting back.
Sometimes you just want to lean on your friends, laugh it off, and feel better. When your spouse is acting like a tool, and you just need to vent, you should be able to call your besties up and talk about your feelings. However, “But Me” friends don't want to help you bury the body (joking), they want you to see that everything is about them. Their life is SOOO much worse that yours. Their kids are soooo much more bothersom than your silly dog. And they aren't really listening, because they are searching through their own complaints to show you how much worse their problems are than yours.
Nobody is feeling better when you are constantly feeling like the therapist. You can't fix everything and it's okay to have moments when you are the one on the couch with tissues. If you are constantly battling the emotionally draining relationship, it's time to say Buh Bye!
Honor and respect the life you have built and the friendships you have made. But if you find that you walk away feeling sad or frustrated, respect yourself enough to let go.
This one is hard for me, I want to be the fixer. But sometimes you have to see that some people are just so broken that you are spending all your emotional cash trying to put out the fires. This one isn't like the “But Me” because the stuff happening is REALLY happening
This is when you need to think about your own happiness and self-presevation. You can't solve everything and sometimes you need to walk away to find your way back to a good place.
Look out for YOU
Sometimes life can be so overwhelming. Does it feels like you have no space in the calendar to take time out for you or the relationships you want in your life? When this happens, look at what is taking up all of that time and energy and try to push away the clutter.
If your life is filled with chaos and drama people, or emotional vampires, then it's time to spring clean up your friends list and make time to find some new connections that energize you and fill you with joy.
Okay, spill it…. WHO do YOU want to get rid of? I'm pretty sure they don't read my blog, you can share!