I Am Enough

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What have you done with your life?  Is it enough?

I love the quiet days. Simple moments of reading in the sunlight.  Some days you just need to let it all go and rest. Grab a comfy blanket and cup of tea, sit in the sunlight and just be happy for what it is. It helps me to see clearly what is often hiding behind my thoughts. For those few moments of peace, the break between the waves of drama, those moments are enough.

I love knowing that I spent my days covered in glitter, made time to sit and listen when they wanted to talk, and for my children… I was enough for them.

I didn’t run marathons, but I walked next to my family. I didn’t come in first, or second, but not last. And that was a memory made and I was there, that was enough.

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I didn’t change lives with my writing, and I am always surprised at how many people actually read anything at all that I write. But that doesn’t stop me from doing what I love, what I am good at. For my readers, sometimes they read the right thing at the right moment. In that moment, my words are enough.

I love waking up to morning snuggles with my dog. Her wagging tail and funny smile, she knows I will always be there for her.  She’s been my best girl all her life.  And the way she always looks at me, I know that for her I am always enough.

Wynter and I

I love spending time in my garden, tending to the plants. It’s like coloring the world in shades of greens, reds, and yellows. I’m not a gardening expert, but for my garden to grow I don’t need to be. I just need to be good enough.

Brandon and Crysta

I love being a sister. It didn’t get that chance until I was much older, and then it was by choice. Sisters who knew I would stop everything and come over when she was over her head with diapers, with anger, with grief.  My brothers who knew I’d never lie to them and always tell it straight. It was never about how much money I made or my accomplishments. For them, I was enough.

I was my Dad’s only child.  We didn’t talk often. We didn’t see each other more than a dozen times in my life. But I loved him every day.  And when I looked into his eyes, I know he saw ME… and for him, I was more than enough.

PicMonkey Photo editing made of win

I know I’m not perfect. I have a temper that burns hot and a mouth that doesn’t always know when to stop. But for my kindred, they know that that passion is also my loyalty and fierceness that is unending. For those in my inner circle, even with my flaws, I am enough.

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I am loved.  I am loved in forgiving and challenging ways. I am loved not for my perfection, but in spite of my imperfections. For my husband who lives with my desire to hide and need to discover, I am a never ending puzzle. I don’t want the ordinary love story, I want to edit things as I go along. But I know he is always there, ready to go on whatever adventure I dream up.  I know that he isn’t expecting me to be anything more than who I dream of being, and for him… that is enough.

I wonder what I’ll say at the end of it all.  When I look back at my story, will I be sad that I didn’t make a million dollars or glad that I took time to teach my children about hummingbirds and how to say you are sorry even when you are still angry and hurt. I doubt I’ll regret days at the beach instead of days in an office building. I might not have it all, but I had what I needed and I was glad to share that with those in need. I took time to look people in the eye and treat them like humans instead of turning my eyes away when their life didn’t fit my perfect picture. In the end, I know that I am enough.

Love, Crysta - Dancing With Fireflies

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