That definition insanity could be applied to my early dating life. I was pretty hopeless back then. I had this person in my mind that I wanted to be with. I found him in the oddest places, but he was the same each time. The bad boy with the devil in his eyes.
I once dated a guy I met on a bus just because of his leather jacket.
Somewhere there was the “first”, the one who cast the mold for all of the others who would follow. That “first” wasn’t perfect; in fact he was just as broken as I was. I just couldn’t see that part until years later. He was tall, as were all of the others after him. Each towered above the others and could be easily spotted in the seas of other people. It was an odd matching to my 5’2” frame, but I loved it.
All had that rugged outdoors roughness to them that made them seem like they could tackle a bear for me if one ever wandered up. And it wasn’t just their looks that were usually very similar, it was that youthful daring to their light colored eyes, the life just on the edge of trouble.
I found myself drawn to the darkside in search of those magic cookies, but still trying to pull them back to the side of good where I could redeem them. I wanted to save them.
Over and over I did the same thing and expected that we would find a happily ever after. Over and over I would put up with the lies, ignore the selfishness, and settle for whatever happiness I could find, hoping one day it would change and we would live the life I wanted.
I couldn’t see how crazy that was. I lingered in this limbo of waiting for the right rebel to come into my life and sweep me off my feet. Total insanity.
When my hero did come and broke that cycle of crazy, I was so unprepared for it that I almost forgot to breathe. He wasn’t like the others, no danger hid behind his dark eyes, just truthful caring.
He had the softest hands I’d ever known a man to have, no scars from motorcycle accidents or brawls in honky tonk bars. He laughed easily and didn’t keep his feelings to himself. He opened the doors for me both physically and emotionally. He challenged me to do better for myself and for him. In a way he redeemed me and cured my insanity.
4 amazing kids and a mortgage later, I know I can’t take anything for granted except that whenever my life gets a little off kilter, my hero will always reach back for me and pull me out of it. Perhaps from time to time he drives a bit fast, that thrill both terrifies me and thrills me, but I know he loves me dearly and would tackle a bear for me any day.