The last few weeks have been extremely stressful and emotional. There has been so many deaths in my circle, both close family and celebrity deaths that struck home. It's been a lot to deal with. My body aches, I have been retreating from physical contact as much as possible. It's been hard.
I know I've been fighting a touch of depression. I’ve done my best to try to rest as much as I can whenever possible, but I can feel the Lyme bacteria beginning to crawl back in control and remind me that stress is the single greatest aggregator of Chronic Lyme. My symptoms will rise up and I will have to pay for not being in full control of my stress levels.
Thankfully I know and understand the role stress plays on my fight and how the aches and difficulties my body is having is because I am fighting to stay afloat both mentally and physically.
Stress is like a sleeping giant,” says Dr. Thoring. “It suppresses the immune system and allows any latent or dormant disease to proliferate.” A stressful life situation, he explains, can wake the sleeping giant. He says many people experience their first LD symptoms following a stressful life change.
My pain levels the last few days have been higher than they have been in months. I’ve had the enjoyment of random tremors jumping through my muscles and lasting for hours at a time, but that’s ok. I can deal with the pain, I can ignore the tremors. I know that I need to get a better grasp on my grief and stress because depression is one of the hardest symptoms to overcome with Lyme. Even the people you believe have the best ability to move through stress and depression have shown, like the amazing Robin Williams, that it can overwhelm.
So today I’ll try to get myself in a better place both mentally and physically. I know I need to add more Vitamin C and get a B12 shot in order to boost my immune system and fight lyme. Also I’ll make sure I am taking my daily Multi-Vitamins. Because of the Lyme I have a weaker immune system and suffer from less energy throughout the day. Lyme disease loves a weak immunity and I will end up getting very sick.
I am so thankful to have such a great support system and I know that I will get through this. But even as I write, my hand just ache and my head is so foggy. I’ll go heat up in the shower and get my circulation moving as I try to clear out my thoughts and keep the madness of Lyme from taking over.
Lyme is a struggle, but it is not who I am. I am stronger than my body thinks I am.
Living with Lyme is a constant balancing act. You try your best to live a “normal” life, but you are also faced with the task of watching every bite that goes into your mouth, a handful of pills to manage the disease, and all the while knowing that you are fighting for your life. When grief comes into your life, it is hard not to think about dying and about those you will leave behind.
The fact is, Lymies, like myself are well aware that we have issues that can kill us. We face our mortality even more when people we love die.
I am guilty of preplanning my death, my tree pod ash container, and thinking a bit too much about the end.
Grief is painful, both mentally and sometimes even physically.
So dear Lyme friends, take care of your bodies. Enjoy as many naps as you can to recharge your energy that you need to keep fighting. Do what it takes, but understand that it isn't a quick process.