Sometimes I need to slow down for a bit, listen to my body, understand limits are just chances to slow down and smell the flowers.
I have Lyme Disease.
I hate having to be held back by something so ridiculous. But, when I overdo it, recovering takes time.
Last month we welcomed one of our older boys back home. It was time for him to get some new chances in a new place. My daughter hates being the only child at home after her brothers all moved away. So when we got the call that he was ready to move across the country and get a fresh start, everyone was both excited and nervous. However, it has been a really good thing for all of us.
Yet the change in routine is stressful and managing stress is a bit more difficult when you are battling Lyme Disease.
For me, the weather, very rainy even for Seattle has held me back from going outside much this winter. It calls for more time and experiments to keep my energy up.
Add in a few other stress factors, and I found myself recently just up against the limits. I am just drained and my body is fighting back.
The Lyme bacteria – Borrelia burgdorferi has from time had a warm nesting spot in my brain, causing neurological issues. The easy ones to deal with are numbness and chronic pain – Fibromyalgia. I have a lot of weakness and my stamina is pretty terrible.
However, the issues that are the most difficult are cognitive. I have fairly significant memory impairment- I lose everything and if I don't write it down, it will be forgotten. Verbally my verbal fluency is impaired, however, oddly my ability to write and communicate in the text is very good. I have problems with keeping my attention focused.
And let's not forget the tremors… there are moments when I feel like my body is just moving, acting out on it's own. My muscle tremors are the worst right now. From tiny spasms between my toes to full body tremors that seem to just rage on for hours. My latest annoyance is the tremors that have kept me up at night right around the muscles of my eye, the brow, lid, and tiny in between muscles that are quaking constantly.
I just need to slow down for a bit and catch up.
I'm tired from the drugs that it takes to make me better, frustrated by not having control over my body, and annoyed that I have to ask for help doing the easiest things.
Soon I will find my strength again. I'll get control over these tremors and I'll be on my feet again. I know to listen to the argument that my body is giving me, pushing too hard doesn't get me anywhere, except stuck in bed for a few days.