Dear Wife of my Ex,

I am supposed to hate you. You are my replacement. The woman he loves, the one that swept in and made him feel all better. You get to go to bed with him every night, wake up every morning with my High School “True Love” boyfriend. And I am supposed to have this grudge engraved with your name on it for the rest of my years.  And you finally managed to tame the bad boy.

You swept into his life with your perfect smile, blonde beautiful hair, and long legs that make mine look like toothpicks, short ones. You drew his attention with that infectious laugh that I had to hide a smile when it went off. I was supposed to dislike you more than going to the dentist, eyebrow waxes, and more than I dislike him.

I put up a good effort for a while. I really tried hard to pretend in my head that you were just another phase. I mean really, how awesome can one person really be? What made him know that you were “The One”?

SHOPBut, I don’t hate him. In fact, really.. I never did. That’s how we ended up being better friends than anything else. He was.. and sometimes still is, a jerk. But he’s MY jerk friend. His jokes are awful, he likes to frown in pictures, and he talks about boobs too much.. I mean A LOT! But he’s also the person who will listen when you need to vent and won’t tell you what you are doing wrong unless you ask.

I can get over him being a complete asshat when we were dating, even when he told me he had strep or something contagious and couldn’t take me to the winter dance, after I bought a dress. Then finding him at the dance with Carrie something, giving HER his contagious mouth. Now, I kind of giggle at how naïve I was and how many lies one teenage girl will tell herself about her cheating boyfriend. Now we can laugh about it, but I still want to punch him just a little.

I don’t hate you. It’s an odd friendship that we have found. We laugh about how weird your husband is and I tease about how OLD he is, ignoring the fact that he and I are the same age. You are the person I ask for when I call, and yes I do roll my eyes when you are away and I settle for talking to him. I like you.

You are the one person that makes my oldest friend soft around the edges. You take him for exactly who he is, and he wants to be better.. for you.

dearexhero                                                    Image: Jeff Djevdet via Flickr


I see why he loves you. You are one of those people that it is really hard not to like. You laugh at your own mistakes, you are easy to talk to, and you are brave enough to accept my friendship with your husband.

There are not many people like you in this world. Jealousy is a frustrating thing. Sometimes there is no real reason for it, it is just there.. it grows and takes on a life of it’s own. Your husband taught me all about jealousy, how there is no point in wanting to claw the eyes out of every blonde bimbo named Jennifer, Heather, or Carrie.

Featured on BlogHer.comBecause jealousy doesn’t make him want to stay, it just gives him a better excuse for wanting to leave. But you didn’t fall for jealousy.

You took control of it, and the phone and just forced me to come out and talk to you… and I was done for. You were funny, and weird, and you were crazy about my friend. How could I not like all of that?

You remind me of who I wanted to be, before I got old and frustrated with the world. You are a romantic, you plan date nights. You smile often, and force everyone else to do so with your kindness. You remind me that it takes effort in a relationship, and it challenges me to make more of an effort in mine.

Thankfully my husband gets my quirky friendships and knows that who I am is because of my rough edges, my life before him, and loves me anyways. He knows that I have a special place for the people in my life that have known me through all of the people I have tried to be and who I am now. And maybe he doesn’t get why I think the Wife of my Ex is so awesome, but I love that he doesn’t judge me for it either.

So Wife of my Ex, thank you for sharing your life moments with me through the world of Social Media. Thank you for reaching out and being my friend and for being brave enough to be friends with your husband’s “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”.

~ C. ~

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7 thoughts on “Dear Wife of my Ex; I Don’t Hate You”

    1. Thank you. Sometimes I think you have to look at what made you like a person in the first place. Wasn’t it their character that made you want to spend time with them to start with? In this case, he was and still is one of the funniest people I have ever met. I still can’t have a conversation with him without laughing so hard. We need people in our lives that just make us feel good. I was a terrible girlfriend, but I think I make a pretty cool sidekick.

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