The last few months have been pretty stressful for me. For various reasons felt like I had forgotten how to relax and trust that it will be ok. I allowed conflict and complication to come into my life. Now I can say that I didn’t set out to look for crazy people to wander into my playground and disrupt my play, but I attracted chaos because I didn’t reject it either.
I am looking for a new calm today. It’s going to take time. I know it won’t come fast or easy because I just let chaos run ramped in my life without any rules at all. Now I have to go about doing some busy work to set things straight again.
When life gets crazy for me, I need to understand that I am in control of the flow and it is up to me to squeeze off the negative flow. But this time I just wasn’t watching, I was having too much fun enjoying the movement and changes. It’s sort of like watching the water flow into the bathtub. For me, it’s soooo relaxing to sit in the warm tub and allow the water to flow over my hands as the tub fills. It’s a great time to just let the thoughts run out of my head and let them go. Yet sometimes I am enjoying watching the flow so much that I haven’t realized that the tub has filled right up to the top. Now it’s time to drain off some of that water so that it doesn’t overflow. Sometimes we need the contrast of having a bad day or even a bad period of time to make us deeply appreciate and return to a good state of mind.
I have a really nice life. I have some incredible people in my life that make me feel so good when we are together and I deeply enjoy the connection we share. I have young people in my life, my bonded children that make me feel great about being a mother and my role in their lives. My husband and I have found a place together that feels completely harmonious. That’s a hard thing, let me tell you. He and I had to really struggle to learn what that means for each other and it is a constant struggle to try to stop trying to fix the other one and accept each other for who we are even with flaws.
Life isn’t easy when you are constantly feeling like you are trying to change the world you are living in, instead of changing your perspective of the life you are creating. For a while I got stuck looking around at the world and not really liking what I was seeing. There were truly crazy people who have no respect for themselves or boundaries who disrupted the calm and it is taking me some time to get back into alignment of who and what I want to be. It affected my health, it caused trouble in my thoughts, and I allowed negativity into my life. Now it’s time to move away from that and find my happy place again.
I am really excited for the changes in my life. When I am stressed I am not creative and I have a hard time with distraction. I find myself looking for something, but I don’t know what IT is. I realized today.. it was my happy thoughts and peace of mind.
One of my favorite speakers, Esther Hicks teaches us that we don’t need to have wealth or a perfect body, WE create our own reality and we attract to us what we are examples of. I want to attract creative, happy, peaceful people into my life that help amplify the creativity, happiness, and peace that I feel inside. I want to have more fun and when I am doing that it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing because I am doing what feels good with the people in my life that also want to feel good with me.
I attracted stress and doubt, and the aches and pains I have been feeling are physical examples of how I was feeling. I stepped off the yellow brick road and found myself completely turned around. It hurts! When I started hurting more, feeling sicker, feeling weaker, feeling unsure about what was causing it, feeling scared that there might be something more to it, and so on.. I started creating negative manifestations in my life.
Today it’s time to get right, find the path, and start skipping with my oddball friends towards the Emerald City.