Addicted to a Soul-Mate

“Where have you been?”

“Jail.. again. Saturday to Wednesday.”

“Should I even ask why?”

“She called 9-11 on me again. She’s stupid and is off her meds.”

“Why do you even still talk to her?”

“We are soul-mates.”

“Soul-mates do not exist. You two are both addicts… addicted to drama and each other. “

“I have to go. I have to hitchhike back to my Mom’s house. My car was impounded and I don’t have any money. I don’t want to hear about how bad she is for me. It’s Love. “

 

10645140_10203248591804177_8720923948601666089_nI suppose I am just as addicted to the drama of watching this train wreck. But really, I am so separated from it all that it is like watching reality tv and getting to ask questions. You see this is a real conversation I had with an old friend. But truthfully, I don’t think we are really friends.. just people who used to know each other and now Facebook helps connect two bored people who remember each other’s youth. Well, I remember it a little better than he does. Years of a hard life with many different addictions have ruined most of who he used to be. I realize when I talk to him that I am really different from who I used to be when we were friends. I have no belief in true love being the only thing the world revolves around, I don’t believe in soul-mates or even recovering from a wasted life. Yes, there are people in my life that I consider kindred souls, people that I feel a connection to. I have a small handful of people that I have in my life that make me feel like I am the best “Me” that I can be.. we share a connection that we each have felt like our hearts relax and say.. “Oh there you are.. I have been looking for you.” But I don’t spend any amount of time thinking those people are the ones that I am supposed to be married to, in love with, or responsible for. I just really like them and feel peaceful and happy when I am with them. Yet here is this guy who spends more time in custody after repeated abuse claims by his wife, multiple jail terms for breaking Stay Away orders issued by the many judges this man has stood before, here he is claiming that the knife wielding self-proclaimed “Gangster” woman he is married to is the love of his life and he will keep going to jail for just wanting to know where she is and who she is with… who by the way was with multiple men. Ahhh.. true love.

Why is it that some people have a hard time accepting that when you find yourself at the bottom, rock bottom that it’s time to regroup and change? How much do you have to lose before you can’t lose anything else except for your life? These toxic relationships are truly deadly and it can happen to anyone. These are the people who end up murdering each other and taking their own lives, and there really is nothing you can do about it. The police try to intervene, families try to help but fail because you can’t keep adults locked up against their will and detox them from their addiction to the drama of someone they believe they love. The truth is, that these relationships will always end up tragically unless one of them breaks the cycle of abuse and addition and leaves for good, never looking back.

I do hope that one day his psychopath wife actually meets someone else and moves far far away from the disaster that was once her marriage.

But.. on the bright side, at least the conversation sparked my thinking juices and I feel like writing again! Wooh hoo! I have been told I am an emotional writer. I need to have inspiration to get those words flowing sometimes when the dam of my own feelings builds up a wall and only tiny fragments of my creativity can trickle out. But then as the pressure of not writing builds.. that wall breaks and the river flows overflowing for a while.

I’ll keep you posted on how the drama goes. At least she didn’t call me Fat this time! Haa!

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