I wasn’t sure if I would ever find it. I was starting to lose hope. Life was getting busy, I needed to keep up and I wasn’t sure if I was going to see him if he ever found me. Maybe I would have to be one of those who lived their whole lives and never found that someone who loved them. I had reasons to be unloved… a lot of them.
I had so much to overcome. I was losing the war against myself and landing in a salty sea of my own tears. I wasn’t old, but I felt ancient. 25 wasn’t too far gone, but it felt so close. I could still catch a tempted smile once in a while, but those weren’t what I was searching for. I wanted more… I knew there had to be more. I was sick of being alone and trying to pretend that it was ok with me, it wasn’t.
Just keep moving, carry on. Each day felt so long as I woke up to the sounds of a life missing someone important.
Searching for friends, not trusting anyone. I found a place few had explored before, it was there I found others also searching for the connection that they couldn’t find within arm’s reach. Girls with daring stories and boys with knightly dreams, we came there each searching for a life beyond the mundane. Sharing stories, trading time, making lives together without fear of rejection.
I saw him there, in my mind. He was charming and shy, brilliant and funny. He asked for a dance, I accepted out of curiosity. I didn’t want to return to my world just yet, I wanted to be the beautiful princess in his.
Minutes turned quickly to hours, then weeks, months. Text turned to voice, friendship turned to something I didn’t see coming.
I can’t think of life without him. Yet I still reach in the night for him to confirm that he is still real, still there. He knows me better than anyone. That scares the hell out of me. I still don’t think I can predict him as well as he does me.
I know I don’t make it easy, living a life full of my twists and turns. I don’t want the ordinary, I want more! I challenge him to keep an open mind, he challenges me to be better. He excels in everything, I question it all.
first Published on: Aug 9, 2012