Waiting for Wonderful

I wasn’t sure if I would ever find it.  I was starting to lose hope.  Life was getting busy, I needed to keep up and I wasn’t sure if I was going to see him if he ever found me.  Maybe I would have to be one of those who lived their whole lives and never found that someone who loved them.  I had reasons to be unloved… a lot of them.

I had so much to overcome.  I was losing the war against myself and landing in a salty sea of my own tears.  I wasn’t old, but I felt ancient.  25 wasn’t too far gone, but it felt so close.  I could still catch a tempted smile once in a while, but those weren’t what I was searching for.  I wanted more… I knew there had to be more.  I was sick of being alone and trying to pretend that it was ok with me, it wasn’t.

Just keep moving, carry on. Each day felt so long as I woke up to the sounds of a life missing someone important.

Searching for friends, not trusting anyone.  I found a place few had explored before, it was there I found others also searching for the connection that they couldn’t find within arm’s reach.  Girls with daring stories and boys with knightly dreams, we came there each searching for a life beyond the mundane.  Sharing stories, trading time, making lives together without fear of rejection.

I saw him there, in my mind. He was charming and shy, brilliant and funny.  He asked for a dance, I accepted out of curiosity. I didn’t want to return to my world just yet, I wanted to be the beautiful princess in his.

Minutes turned quickly to hours, then weeks, months.  Text turned to voice, friendship turned to something I didn’t see coming.

I can’t think of life without him. Yet I still reach in the night for him to confirm that he is still real, still there.  He knows me better than anyone.  That scares the hell out of me.  I still don’t think I can predict him as well as he does me.

I know I don’t make it easy, living a life full of my twists and turns. I don’t want the ordinary, I want more! I challenge him to keep an open mind, he challenges me to be better.  He excels in everything, I question it all.

first Published on: Aug 9, 2012

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