Turning 40 is a dreaded moment in a woman’s life. It’s the big 4-0.. the day when you have no clue of what to expect but you are now no longer in your 30’s. I turned 40 this year, I waited for my hair to turn grey, my vision to get worse, and to actually FEEL 40. It’s almost my birthday again, and to tell you the truth most of the changes I found this year weren’t all that bad.
I think once I accepted that there is no going back and all I can do is march forward with this new era of my life I felt better about it and who I wanted to become.
In my teens I had a goal, get out of high school and away everything. I wanted to be a writer, but I knew that I would need something more than just words to help me survive. I wanted to be a mother someday and I wanted to be free.
Living in the 90’s in my 20’s was a wild ride. The expectations were so wide and I felt like I wasn’t quite sure of what direction I was actually heading in. I became a mother but not in the traditional way I had hoped, I set off my 20’s as a single parent struggling to make ends meet and keep my head above water. I went to college, I worked at whatever jobs would help pay the bills, and in the wee hours of the morning I wrote and wrote and wrote. Every day I told myself I needed to keep writing, one day I would make time to do something special with my passion for writing.
When the big 30 came life for me had changed again and I was closer to where I wanted to be. I married someone who believes in me often more than I believe in myself and challenges me to do more. But I was the one fighting him to do less and be content with what I had. I had become the mother I wanted to be. I was there for my children whenever they needed me and I was available, wasn’t that enough? However as the end of my 30’s came closer I too began to realize that Motherhood has phases and I am entering into that phase where I am not needed at home as much as I was when the kids were younger. So what’s next?
40 feels right for something new. There are new ideas brewing in my brain and I am dancing with the idea of finally making good on my promise of writing a book, perhaps writing for others, and doing what I love more. 40 isn’t turning out to be as bad as I thought it would be, in fact if feels as if I am starting life over but in a better state of mind.
Often people say they wish they knew when they were younger what they know now, perhaps they would make better choices, do something more with their lives, or take bigger risks. 40 seems to be a good time to refresh and start life with all of the knowledge you accrued and stability to back you up.
I am finally understanding why 40 is so special, it’s the starting line to a new race I’ve been waiting to begin. Ready… set… GO!
What age made you cringe?