Hey, you up there.. are you still listening?

There are days when I have no idea what I believe in.  Life sucks sometimes and it is really hard to wrap my brain around the concept of a being capable of creating this planet, packing it full of life, and overseeing all of mechanics of keeping these screwed up beings from falling into complete chaos, I would really like to be able to have a conversation with this dude for a few minutes.

See, I have this odd relationship with G*D.  There are days when we are cool.  He/She and I are in sync and have this pretty good flow back and forth.  I trust in that communication and rely on the guidance to keep me moving in the right direction. But am I having a real conversation or am I simply reaching into the complex ego and speaking with myself?

However there are days when I look around at how some humans can be so damned terrible and wonder how in the world any kind and loving manager of Life could allow such flaws to exist in the program.  I know there are hundreds of books written on why G*D allows bad things to happen and so on.  But I don’t want excuses from other humans, I want full on understanding from the master programmer of exactly why we have to lose good souls to this incredibly frustrating disease, cancer.  Why are humans who thrive on torturing other humans allowed to keep breathing while others are struck down without warning while crossing the street?

I am religious.  I actually love the basics of faith and the following of incredibly beautiful practices of rituals. I like the concept that religion isn’t just about the movement of one human through a lifetime, but guidelines set about to help the whole of us be able to move as one strong supportive family.  Most religions have an underlying theme… here is how you should live so that your community thrives and doesn’t collapse into chaos. Rules are given and supported by the leaders of your population, agreed upon and those who don’t follow the rules will be punished or exiled.  Fair enough?

But I am not committed to the concept that there is only one right path and everyone else is going to burn in hell for not following your path.

For example, there are some nuts out there who like to spout off that because I am Jewish/Wiccan/ect.  that I need to have some guru of their faith save my wicked soul. Somehow I offend their twisted since of right and wrong because their special token of faith isn’t slung around my neck and I don’t offer praises to their couch hopping fanatics.  Excuse me?  What’s with that?

I just have to laugh at the comical scene.  You sit there judging me because you have decided that your JC Super-dude is better than my view of living a peaceful non-aggressive life, and yet you bring hate and drama to my life? I don’t think so.  How’s that working out for you?

I don’t dislike excited faithful people.  I think that’s really great that they have found something that empowers them and makes them feel good about the choices they are making for their own lives.  I have some wonderful friends and family who embrace the Christian life and they are really good people. Are they good people because they are Christians?  Nope.. not at all.  They are simply good human beings who happen to have an affection for a particular branch of religion. They like the richness and rituals that their faith brings to them, just like I like the beauty and connection that my rituals of faith bring to me.

So do I believe in G*D, some days absolutely.  When I am out and I can feel the warm rays of life beaming down over my skin and I am able to release the negative emotions that have built up, I feel G*D.  When I get those rare chances to snuggle a sleeping newborn in my arms and I feel this incredibly beautiful moment in my whole being, I feel G*D.  When I lost my best friend and brother last year unexpectedly and my heart was so deeply sad at his loss, I felt G*D then too… not because I thought G*D could bring back my brother, but because as much at it hurt to think about going on with the rest of my life without him, I also felt the soothing that came from my lost brother and the rest of my family that have gone on before me.  Each telling me that life goes on and I would be ok even without him being physically here. Death happens.

There are moments still when I question the afterlife.  Wondering what exactly that means and how we are ever to know for sure what’s next. Am I all alone on my course of life and once it’s over there is nothing more? A good friend once told me that even as spiritual as he is in his daily life, he struggles with knowing what is after life. Do we become part of something greater? Do we re-circulate and do it again?  So many questions.

Today I ask you… what do YOU believe in?

I would love to hear your feedback!


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