Beautiful Relationships

I am blessed with some incredible and beautiful relationships that have enriched my life and made me appreciate each day.  I know that there are so many people out there looking for the perfect mate and hoping that somehow by finding that one person they will feel absolutely complete.  I’ve been on the other side of happy, feeling as if I was so alone that each morning was a disappointment to find that I would wake up alone again.  Then I was only briefly aware of the beautiful relationships I was so lucky to have. I look back now at that time and shake my head, wishing I had opened my eyes more to see how alone I WASN’T.

We all make choices of how to feel. We make the choice to be happy, to be sad, and even though it’s hard to change those more powerful emotions it is our choice to accept them or not. When I was sad and depressed as a young single mother in my 20’s it was MY choice to feel that way.  It was a struggle to accept the situation and not feel overwhelmed by the world.  There were times when I looked around at my house and saw how dark and complicated it was and knew that it was my choice to allow it to be that way. My house was a reflection of my life and step by step I needed to put away the clutter and get back to a balanced place.  Clean up the mess, clean up my thoughts.  Eventually I chose for myself and my children to let go of a lot of anger and pain from the past and move to a place where I could be free.  Again and again I need to take stock of life and make sure that I am not filling my world with clutter and complication, I am an emotional hoarder.

In my life I am blessed with wonderful people who not only help me to feel free and find my happy place, but I love being a part of their lives and story.  I never really felt like a people person as I am a terrible introvert and being social is really difficult for me. But through the years I have gathered others around that don’t seem to mind my quirks and need to be a hermit from time to time.

I am a mother to a LOT of really awesome young people. Some were mine by birth and others are mine by heart. Each of them has a different story and personality so unlike anyone else.  They have taught me so much about who I am and who I want to be. I knew very early on that I wanted to be a mother, a need so strong that no creature within my grasp could get away without my mothering hands trying to care for them. Being a mother wasn’t a choice, it was and IS an integral part of my being.  I was born to be a mother and it’s not something I resent or feel forced about, it is who I am.  And I am so thankful for all of my kids big and small who have allowed me to be a part of their lives.

As much as an introvert as I am, I also have met some really incredible people. Thankfully the ones I am closest to understand my need to have a break and hibernate over the winter.  But my best friend is my husband, someone kind and caring, who understand when I need to explode.  Through the years I have given him hell and he’s been a rock on the shore of my tempests.  Without him I wonder where my direction would have sent me. Today I am happy, healthy, and solid about who I am because of the security and support he’s given me. Sure, there are times when I want to toss everything in the middle of the room and set it on fire because I am feeling lost or annoyed at the world. But he’s there to cool it all down and bring me back to center.  That is a beautiful thing.

In general, I don’t know how to get along with women very well.  Having been burned by females through most of my life, I have a hard time letting them get close to me. My best friends have always been guys.  I could trust that even though they often said what they thought bluntly without warning, they were honest about how they felt. Guys were usually pretty predictable. But women on the other hand, meh.. I just don’t relate very well. However there are a couple that I have found that have made their way into my hearts and I am just not sure how! Wise women that know exactly when to pass the wine, funny women who make me laugh instead of punching someone, some as introverted as I am and drag me out for lunch dates, and others who are who I want to be when I grow up. Even though it’s been hard trusting these women, they seem to get it and just let it be. That’s pretty amazing.

No matter how hard life has been there has always been a choir of friends and family there.  Sometimes they are just harder to hear when the pressures and pain of life sing louder, but they are always there singing this beautiful song of love and friendship. You just have to make the choice to let their song be the one that guides you and directs you back to a good place.

Depression sucks you in, but don’t let it be your only friend.

Thank you to all of my beautiful relationships.  Thank you for never letting me win, never letting me have the last word, and never letting me sink under the water.

YOU rock.

~ C. ~
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