Sometimes it feels as if life goes by so slowly. Each day takes an eternity and there’s little excitement. But then there are other periods of time when life goes by so quickly that you just want to pull it all back and slow down, but it gets away from you anyways. I’ve been trying to hold on, but in a matter of months life has become too sweet to hold back. Now, in the quiet of a rainy day I have a few minutes to pause and take a breath.
Where to begin..
Well there have been incredible moments in the last few weeks that I have been brought to tears at how blessed I am and how much I love my friends and family. They have been so supportive of us and all that has gone on with ridiculous drama, my new business, and helped us through some rough patches. But whenever I thought I just wanted to crawl under a rock there were hands reaching to pull me out of my funk. My favorites were the chubby little baby hands that you just can’t reject. My beautiful niece K. always knew when to give me bunny noses to make me smile.
My shop has been doing really well. Morning Tempest Studios has been so much fun and a great distraction. This last few months were hard. Learning how to get through the day without thinking about how sad I was that I had lost my brother, Lance, was difficult. I had to learn how to accept the fact that he wasn’t just going to surprise me and call, he wasn’t going to give me the answers I was looking for, and sadly he isn’t coming back. I love him, I miss him, and because of his passing I was able to learn how strong I could be. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I just needed to find a quiet place and think about how proud of me he would have been for not giving up. Through the winter and spring, MTS was my distraction from the grief. I spent hours listening to some great advice online, good music, and writing. I was kept busy with orders at my shop that made me smile and keep pushing forward. Before I knew it, winter was over and I had over 350 sales in my shop.
Then the heat of summer began to melt away the dreary days and soon it was time to pack up our oldest and help him learn how to fly. I knew it was coming all winter. But it’s really hard when you have to hug them tight and get back in the car and drive away, leaving your little duck on the porch of his new home. I am so happy that he’s ready for this. I know he is going to love his new life. Even though part of me just would like to spend one more day watching him and his brothers wrestle in the grass.
This last few months also was personal time of letting go, making fresh starts, and healing the wounds of the past. Finally, after years and years of pain and arguments, I found peace in letting go of some family members for good. It’s never easy. In fact if it weren’t for my family and friends, I am not sure I would have been strong enough to get through the last year. But it seems to be over and I am so thankful. The nasty emails, texts, calls, and worse trying to sooth a sad child who was being dragged into the drama was a nightmare. Soon I will be able to sit down and really think about all that has happened and try to write more about it. Today just doesn’t seem to be that day.