Advice wanted: What the hell was that dream supposed to mean??

This morning I woke up just exhausted.  After getting my daughter off to school I grabbed a blanket and just tried to nap off a few minutes before getting my day started. I didn’t feel myself drift off but the dream I had swept me away and an hour and a half later I woke up feeling like I had just been through the most confusing day ever.

So I ask for your interpretations, advice, or ideas of just what the hell just happened.

Here’s my dream:

My husband, Michael and I were at a Home Depot type place looking for stuff to fix up our house. We were ordering a special stone for our walkway and were told we had to wait for it. The day was so beautiful and calm and we loved being outside.  I spotted a pond exhibit and wanted to see the water and the fish. I normally love looking at the waterfalls and lily pads, so going to see it was a very normal thing to do. Someone there said we should go check out the owner’s shop, which happened to be an aquarium. So we walked across the street to and met up with our daughter and my Mother-in-Law who was looking for her other son and his children.  I realized as we were walking that somewhere I had lost my shoes and it bothered me that I had begun to lose control of things so simple like how to keep shoes on my feet.

As I looked down into the waters of each pool, I tried to understand the kinds of fish I was looking at but none of them made any sense, wild colors and strange eyes.  There were dogs in the water swimming with the fish and old women saying they were tired of this place and ready to quit. The owner was apparently very wicked and made them do terrible things.

“Just this morning he made me slaughter a lamb.  Then feed it to the children to fatten them up.  A tiny beautiful lamb! I won’t do it anymore, I won’t.”

Disturbed by the hunchbacked old woman who was feeding what looked like body parts over the railing into the water to the fish below, I quickly moved down the path in search of something peaceful and beautiful and unlike the scenes I had been viewing so far.  I saw other friends walking about, moving through the place but they all had places to be and kept moving.  Michael stayed close but really didn’t say much.  He was talking with our daughter and his mother and I was the only one who seemed to notice how off everything seemed.

There was a building, full of rooms painted different colors and it seemed to be a playhouse for children.  None of them had parents with them, and all of them seemed ok with being taken care of by nurses.  I was so tired that I sat down and leaned back on a bench only to realize that I was very pregnant.  I rested my hand over my belly and wondered how much longer I had to go.  Needing to find a bathroom I started looking for the right door which proved to be much more complicated that I had thought. As I kept searching I found a nursery with a sleeping toddler and I wanted very much to talk with the boy but backed out quietly.  When I turned around my husband was there on the phone and having a business call.  I warned him to be quiet or else he would wake the baby and he moved away and laughed as he walked outside, telling the person on the phone that he wasn’t taking any more calls while on vacation, but everyone knew that wasn’t true.

Hungry, we went to get some lunch and I realized the strange insect type fish Michael was eating was still moving. It was flat like a type of ray, black and slippery. When he flipped it over it had hundreds of legs and two large pincher claws. There was another one on his plate and I looked at it closer and it was moving slowly, arching on the plate.  He wanted me to try it and I freaked out and told him I couldn’t be there I had to get out. So I got up and just started walking towards the beach away from everyone. This time he didn’t follow and let me go on my own.

There was a kite flying in the sky above us controlled by many strings.  It was like superman and it was huge, like the size of a car. I was watching it and not where I was going and I strayed away from everyone.  When I looked around I realized I was all alone and it scared me because I was in a strange place, like a carnival with lots of booths full of very weird things. Acrobats and pierced people, vendors selling weapons and strange objects filled the area.

There was a booth with a two-headed pig; one head was a dog and the other a talking pig.  The man standing there said that he couldn’t afford to feed both of them so one of them was going to have to go.  Disgusted I kept walking and saw as people were doing more odd things to each other and laughing as I walked by. I kept being followed by another pig who kept taking bites at my leg.   I weaved through the carnival of booths trying to find my way back to my family only to find that I had somehow gotten to onto this island where I could see the land where they were, but I had no way of getting over to them.

I kept walking, trying to find a way back to them. I realized I had lost my bag, my shoes, and everything I had been holding including the mystery pregnancy. It was just me now, my hair long and I felt calm knowing that I just needed to keep walking… one step at a time.  Way up ahead I saw there was a sidewalk bridge back over and all I had to do was get to the bridge and I would be able to meet them.  But in seconds a terrible storm turned the skies black and the wind was blowing me back. Funnel clouds dipped down from the black cloud and stirred up the sand and crawled closer to me.  I kept walking towards the storm, even feeling as the water spouts formed and drenched me with rain. The water came crashing towards my feet and I kept heading towards my destination. It seemed so far away now.  And I thought about a conversation I had with my Mother In Law earlier when we met up.  She told me that my husband was off looking for his “True Love” and when he found her, he was going to be happy.  It made me slow down and when I did, the storm seemed to crash into me harder.  I looked around but the storm was now all around me and I couldn’t see far.

I closed my eyes after I saw people being swept away and just put my head down and kept walking towards the storm and through it. The couples holding hands were carried off by the winds, the families who were playing on the sandy beach were now being pulled out into the water.  I just kept walking towards the pathway over the sea.  As I walked the storm grew harder and as I was about to step on the bridge the lighting crashed and the ground shook. Then it was quiet and dark.

Cold and wet, I opened my eyes and I wasn’t outside anymore. I was sitting at a long wooden table in a dark room with candles lighting here and there. I said I couldn’t stay and the man dressed in old clothes with salty white scruff said it was ok. He told me  HE was just late because he was showing off. I looked around and saw there were other people in the small wooden shack of a room.   They all laughed and said that he was spending so much “***” ( I can’t remember what they said ) on everyone else but he knew he didn’t have to do that with me. I nodded, I didn’t want HIM to spend it on my.  I just wanted his attention for a little while instead.  One man shook his head and said he was a “Big Spender” and everyone thought that was funny.  An old woman with white hair and kind blue eyes  said I would understand that he needed to show Crystal how much he cared about her because he wasn’t sure she knew, but he didn’t ever need to be that kind of man with me.  When I heard Crystal’s name I wanted to know exactly what they were talking about and I got up to leave but they asked me to stay for a while longer and I sat with my back to the door. I wanted to get back to my family, I couldn’t stay long.

All at once my friend, Lance came bursting through the door all laughs and excitement.  He was wearing this red hooded sweatshirt and shorts.  “Honey, I’m Home!!”  he called as he came through the room towards me and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He was so big and full of life that he seemed to take up the whole room, not because he was so tall in life… but because everyone seemed to move back and get out of his way as he hugged me close. His arms were so strong and his cheek pressed against mine from behind.  I wanted to get up and hug him.  I wanted to see him and tell him how upset I was about him dying. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t fair that he had just left and I had no way of knowing how to get home.  But as I opened my mouth to talk I woke up and he wasn’t home at all.. and I was still here wishing I had one more second of that dream and those arms.

So, tell me.. what the hell was THAT all about?

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