Everything changes, I know that. The world is a constant changing organism that evolves, shifts, and keeps moving. Few things are ever constant. But there are times when I wish I could just slow it all down, add a few more days to the week, drag things out just a little bit longer.
Not that I have the energy to really last much longer in the day… coffee and bright lights help.
But in all honesty, by 11 I am passed out snoring on the couch next to my hubby each night with no desire to do much more than drag my exhausted ass to bed. And even that is sometimes difficult and makes me consider just sleeping on the couch.
Yet there are a few of life’s events that I have been trying to prepare for, yet I just don’t feel settled. This last week I proudly watched my middle son walk across the stage and accept his high school diploma. I watched through tears as this unforgettable moment in his life played out and took mental pictures to replay somewhere in the future as one of my happiest moments. And I listened to his father’s proud announcements of where our son will go on to college in the upcoming months, feeling my heart already start to burn with the knowing our middle child is soon off to start his new life.
And as if letting one son go, the two oldest boys have chosen their departure dates as well. Can’t they just realize that the mass exit of our boys isn’t all that pleasurable for us? I wonder if they have any idea what while they talk about how excited they are to venture off into the world alone, I just want them to be home for dinner. Today was the last day of my time with my little buddy, Justin. He and I have been together for about 2 years.. I was there right after he was born. I have been lucky enough to be his ” Lovey” until he was ready to go to daycare. He’s been my delight, and each day made me just laugh and fall crazy in love with his smile. I knew it would come.. that day I’d have to pack up the port-a-crib and let go. It sucked. I didn’t want to let him go, didn’t want to say good-bye. And I sure as hell didn’t want to think about next week not waking up and getting my day started with him at my side asking what I was doing. But, as I said.. everything changes.
Soon I am going to have to figure out how to make dinner for 3 and not 6. I’ll have to get used to the quiet and maybe even enjoy the extra time I have in the day as keeping up a house without 3 teenage boys has got to be easier. I am looking forward to spending more time with my daughter, we’ve planned 2 weeks of vacations just her and I exploring. I am excited about having more time for my crafting shops and have taken a peek or two at some books I’ve been dying to read.
I’ll keep busy, or at least try, in preparation for packing up my boys and handing them off as well to their new lives. But today… I am just thankful they are not leaving just yet.